So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
