I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
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The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
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He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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