Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize