the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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