question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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