I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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