I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
