I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
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I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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