K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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