I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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