I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
