do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
