dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
