Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
