You can't motorboat a personality
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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