dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
