He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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