We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
