What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
