oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
