Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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