carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Enjoy the penises
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
