Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
