I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
