I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
