Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
