RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
