how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
