dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
