the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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