Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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