I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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