Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
