she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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