I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
