Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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