Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
