I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
