Sry I called you an 8
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
