Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
