She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
