All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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