Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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