Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
