trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Pants are for mortals
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
