She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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