i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
