Your mouth is God's brothel.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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