dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
