Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
