Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
