I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
