I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
