return my video game
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
