do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
