So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
