OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
