I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
