I think i peed on brittanys purse
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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