I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize