I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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