Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
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He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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