dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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