Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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