I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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