i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
