Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Damn victory sex feels great
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
