that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
