just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
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He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
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Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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