Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
