flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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