Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
