i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
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The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
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I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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