last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i came on her dog
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
