so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
