Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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