I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
